Going Nowhere
by Stargazing-Souls
Summary: Let's face it. Not everything will work the way you want it to. TYL!1827


Hello again. I have been very busy with school so I wasn't able to write.. or I was just feeling lazy /shot.  
>Anyway, my friend finally convinced me that I should like.. write something, anything, rather than being a lazy pig at home =)) It's also summer break here so yeah... I wrote something :) This is 1827, which is, in my opinion, one of the cutest pairings I have ever encountered in all my years of living. This is written in Hibari's POV, kay? :D<p>

Note: I was supposed to publish this earlier but there was this error thingy so yeah...

And I would really like to thank all those who reviewed in my previous story. Can I hug you all? :D

This was written upon the request of CrimsonLinkx

Well, enough of my blabbering, let's start.

**Disclaimer: Do I really have to write this? Is it not obvious? Anyway, I don't own anything but myself. **

Okay. Now that's done. Let's start :)

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><p><strong>Going Nowhere<strong>

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><p>"<em>I'm so sorry." <em>He kept on repeating those three words again and again. _"I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. If I can just find a way…" _Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP.  
>…Those aren't the three words I want to hear.<p>

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><p>Kindness isn't worth it. It just isn't. You try your very best to make people happy and all they give you are their bullshits. And in the end, they just hurt you. I cannot understand why this little brunette enjoys pleasing others. I cannot see the point of making others happy. I cannot see why you have to be kind. But then again, I cannot see the reason why I fell for some herbivore like him.<p>

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><p>Most people end up what they said they wouldn't be. Like that Tsunayoshi, he keeps on saying that he won't be the Vongola Boss. But in the end, he is. And like me, I told myself I would not fall for some wimpy herbivore. But I still did. I don't regret it. I really don't. Being with him gives me some sort of warm feeling that fills the emptiness of my heart. But of course, I will never publicly admit it. And I would never admit that I was possibly delusional thinking that everything will be all right. Because it isn't. Because THAT happened.<p>

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><p>The Pricassio Family is the second strongest mafia family next to the Vongola. There had been conflicts between both families but then it grew to something larger than little squabbles. The Pricassio's head had a daughter by the name of Carolyn. She's decent enough to be considered a girl, she's kind and honest, she charming and polite, and honestly, I can't be bothered with her. What I don't like about her is that she's marrying Tsunayoshi. MY Tsunayoshi. And that stupid brunette just HAD to agree with the marriage so that the conflict will end. Sometimes, I don't get why he hates violence if he lives in a world built up from violence. My point is, why do you have to make an alliance with them if you can just crush their family into dust? But that herbivore kept on ranting off about how each life matters and all those shit I don't want to hear. So a wedding is arranged for both families to form an alliance. That might not be a problem for most people but it is for ME, because they are taking away what's MINE. I am using all the self-control I have not to murder that bitch that requested a wedding. Carolyn Pricassio, go die in a hole or something before I personally come and bite you to death.<p>

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><p>I hate mornings. I absolutely hate waking up early. I adore sleep. Why? Because sleep helps you forget everything. It makes things better, even for just a while.<p>

I grudgingly got up from bed to find an ornately decorated card on the table addressed to me. Kusakabe must have left it there a while ago. I picked it up and immediately concluded that it is a wedding invitation. Honestly, why did he even bother sending me a card? I think I am fully aware of the details already.

Nevertheless, I opened the stupid card. It contains the basic details of the wedding and all that I didn't bother reading, but what caught my attention was a note at the end of the invitation written in the herbivore's own writing.

"_I'm really sorry. Please don't be mad. And please don't hunt down Carolyn. She didn't do anything wrong. It's my decision. I would really appreciate it if you come to the wedding but if you think otherwise, I understand"_

I sighed and threw the card on the table where it hit a small, velvet box. Oh. The box that I should have gotten rid of last week when Tsunayoshi announced his wedding. I opened the box to see the ring I had gotten two weeks ago. It was just a simple silver band with an orange gem in the middle. Why orange? Well, that herbivore does enjoy the color orange. I was supposed to give this to him last week to show the world that he's MINE. But complications in the form of Carolyn Pricassio came and the ring is still with me. I do wonder if jewelry stores accept refunds…

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><p>I was exiting my room in the Vongola Mansion when I happen to spot that annoying baseball freak who was always with Tsunayoshi.<p>

"Oi, Hibari!" He called out and started waving his hands as if I cannot see him.  
>"What?" I said darkly.<br>"Did you get the invitation? I'm so happy for Tsuna! He got himself a lovely girl. Of course, no offense to you and all. Attend the wedding, okay? I'm sure Tsuna will be happy to see you." He rattled on and on and on.  
>"Shut up. I have not decided whether I would attend your stupid wedding"<br>Being the oblivious fool he is, he just laughed it all "Okay then Hibari! See you on the wedding. It's just three days away."  
>He obviously didn't listen to what I said. "I am not yet sure if I'm going to at- Wait. Did you say three days away?" I just skimmed the invitation and didn't bother to read the details and Tsunayoshi said one week.<br>"Yep. Three days later, Tsuna's getting married"

Three days and he's gone. THREE DAYS

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><p>"What is the meaning of this "three days later" wedding?" I barged into Tsunayoshi's office and started demanding for answers.<br>"Ah! Hibari-san!" The herbivore greeted after composing himself from the shock. "Haven't we talked about this already?  
>"Not the wedding. THE DATE. Why the rush?"<br>"Ermm.. Carolyn reassigned the date and she said…" He trailed off.  
>"Honestly? You're listening to her every whim?" I cut him off, annoyed that he can't even decide for himself.<br>"I-It's not like that. It's just that.."  
>"Just what? My patience is running thin."<br>"Eh… it's for the best if we finish this as early as possible" He said silently. "I'm sorry."  
>"Do not throw me those words. Every time we talk it's always the same thing. I get it. You're sorry and all so stop apologizing." That was about the longest thing I had ever told him since last week.<br>"I'm sorry.." He apologized again. Is he really trying to test my patience?  
>"This is pointless. I'm leaving" I turned away and started walking towards the door when I remembered something. "And what is with the note you wrote on my invitation? Do you think that I'm that much of a coward not to attend your flimsy wedding?"<br>"Huh? No. No! It's not like that. I thought you don't like crowds and all and well…yeah.."  
>"Hn?" I paused then thought about it. "I'm attending. Don't make me regret my decision" Before I closed the door behind me, I glanced at the brunette to see him smiling that stupid yet oh-so cute smile that I was privileged to see. Three days later, I would more or less lose that privilege.<p>

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><p>I do not know what I was thinking when I said I was attending. I hate weddings. It's all crowded and cheesy with all the love theme crap. Why can't the herbivores just sign the damn contract and get it over with rather than wasting huge amounts of money for a celebration?<br>Anyway, I guess I accepted because I am a guardian and this is my duty to attend the wedding of our boss. It's not like I wanted to. And it's not that I would publicly admit that Tsunayoshi is MY boss. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, bosses me around. It's a duty assigned by the baby tutor. Yes. A duty. I'll just leave it at that.

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><p>The two days went by fast. I wasn't able to talk to Tsunayoshi again. He was too busy with wedding preparations and I'm too busy with…well, being busy. Of course, I have to deal with a bunch of idiots. That self-proclaimed right-hand man of Tsunayoshi is always nagging at me that I should look my best in the stupid wedding. That idiot baseball lover would pop by unannounced to rattle about his latest baseball competitions or about things I couldn't care less about. That hyperactive boxer will drop by for a drinking contest and I would always have to drag his drunken body out of my room. Now I'm regretting my decision in giving Kusakabe a vacation before the wedding. I mean, without him, I have to be the one who caries the bodies outside. But what is most annoying is that pineapple bastard who just can't <em>fucking<em> leave me alone. Isn't he supposed to be in some jelly water cage or something? Gosh, if he is so bored, he should just bother that pineapple woman that listens to his every fucking word.

"How does it feel, Kyoya?" That damn illusionist is here again.  
>"What do you want?" I glared at him, hoping that he will die or at least go back to his aquarium.<br>"Kufufufufu~ Tsunayoshi is getting married tomorrow. What will you do? You don't seem to be the type that gives away what is yours."  
>"Shut up. It's the herbivore's choice. I couldn't care less. Now get out before I bite you to death."<br>"Kufufufu~ you keep saying that but I do not think that is what you are really feeling."  
>"Out. Now." I said as darkly as I can while gripping my tonfas.<br>"Calm down. I'm out of time anyway. 'Till next time, Kyoya." He disappeared in a veil of mist, leaving a confused erm… what's her name? … Chrome behind.

I sighed and ushered the girl out of my room. Well that wasn't helpful at all. I need someone to vent on… _DINO._

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><p>"Ahh.. Kyoya!" That stupid bronco jumped up from his seat as soon as he saw me. He's supposed to stay here before the wedding because he was the herbivore's closest friend, almost like a brother.<br>I gripped my tonfas and lunged at him.

"Woah. Wait for a while. Let's just talk. Talking is good. I have tea. Tea is also good. Sit down, please Kyoya?" The blonde started talking, pointed to a seat, and asked one of his subordinates to get tea.

I sighed and sat down. I'm not really in the mood for some violence. I have to admit, it can be tiring sometimes. And I'm fucking tired of being tired.

"So then? I suppose you came here to vent about Tsuna?" Dino said and sat opposite of me.  
>"Hn."<br>"Kyoya, please don't be difficult. Oh, Tea's here." He pleaded then handed me a cup. "Tsuna's having a hard time too, you know"  
>"I don't care about that herbivore." I said as firmly as I can and took the cup.<br>"You aren't interested in people but you don't like loneliness either." Dino said with a serious face.  
>"Shut up. Do not talk as if you know me." I gave him an icy glare and ponder on whether I should throw the tea cup at him.<br>"Right. I don't know you. But I think I have enough experience in this world to understand that no man's an island. And it must be painful for you to see the one you love getting married off to someone he doesn't even fully love. "  
>"Just. Fucking. Shut. Up." I emphasized each word for him to hear. I feel so annoyed right now. Why? Is it because Dino is… right? No. <em>No. <em>NO.

The annoying blonde just laughed it out. "Ahh… alright. I'll shut up. Would you like cake?"  
>"NO."<br>"Aaaw… come on. It tastes good." He kept on pestering me putting on that face kids use to get what they want.  
>"No. Thank you for the tea. I will not have some of your damn cake. I hate cake. I hate you. I'm leaving. Goodbye." I stood up and was about to leave but then he called out my name.<br>"Oh by the way Kyoya, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here." The bronco smiled and waved goodbye.

I slammed the door.

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><p>It was almost painful to get up from bed to dress for a wedding you don't want to attend, hurtful that you have to see the one you love being cuddled by someone you're beginning to hate, torture to see him walk down the aisle and all you can do is sit and watch, and it is murder to hear him saying his wedding vows to that ANNOYING, PIE-FACED WOMAN.<br>So you see, I am slowly dying in the inside when the officiating priest announced the kiss. THE AWFUL, WRETCHED KISS.

I looked away. I just can't look at it. I just really can't.

I did everything I can, not to push Carolyn to all six (as confirmed by that damn illusionist) hells and to take that stupid herbivore as MINE.  
>But sad to say, I cannot help but admire Tsunayoshi today. He looked, dare I say-cute (doesn't he always?) in his wedding attire and even his forced smiles are wonderful to look at. What I don't like are his eyes. Yes, they are big, they are caramel, and they are adorable but today, it seemed sort of…sad.<br>And I HATE seeing him being all sad and pained. I feel this strange urge to comfort him and tell him that everything is all right. But I can't. Because everything is all wrong.

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><p>(Wedding reception)<p>

"Ahh Kyoya!" The idiot bronco was waving his hands and running towards me. Gosh, I hope he doesn't trip.

He did. On a waiter carrying the refreshments nevertheless. Lucky he didn't spill it on the stupid blonde.

"Kyoya! You came!" After Dino apologized to the waiter and CAREFULLY walked to where I am currently standing, he started blabbering in front of my face "I thought you wouldn't come. I mean, you must be annoyed and all not to mention that its crowded here and you hate crowds. Oh. Want some cake?"  
>"First of all, SHUT UP. Second, yes I am here, would you like me to leave? Third, you're annoying. Fourth, I DO NOT WANT ANY CAKE."<br>He again, just let out a carefree laugh "Alright, I'll tone down. It's just that, I'm so glad you finally attended a social event."  
>"Kufufufufu~ That's right Kyoya, it is so rare to see you in these occasions." An annoyingly familiar voice said behind me.<br>"Get out. Go rot in your water jail." I gritted my teeth and grabbed my tonfas.  
>"Kyoya, calm down!" Dino again, being annoying and useless.<br>"Kufufufufu~ Follow the bronco's words. It will be really crowded around you if people saw that we are going to fight. After all, these are mafia people. And mafia people love fights. Kufufufufu~"  
>I lowered my weapon. He does have a point. "Go to hell" I glared at him.<br>"Kufufufufu~ Been there. Not a nice place, to be honest. Oh well, off to find my darling Chrome." Finally that annoying pineapple finally FINALLY left me alone.  
>"Wow. Mukuro is also here. So Kyoya, who are you sitting with?" Dino, go away, GO AWAY.<br>"Obviously not with you."  
>"Ahh…right! How can I forget? You're one of Tsuna's guardians so you sit with them on the main center table." Dino said and pointed at the table in the middle of the room. So far, only the teenage cow was sitting there pigging out on the appetizers.<br>"Hn." I am not very … happy that I have to sit with those idiots, especially MUKURO.  
>"Well, if you aren't busy, I'll introduce you to some influential mafia people. The reception won't start in 10 minutes."<br>"Why would I want to meet your herbivorous friends?" I sneered.  
>"Remember Kyoya, these are the strongest among all the families. If they are interested on you, you can even have a little match with them on the future."<br>Now that… THAT caught my attention.

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><p>"Hey Kyoya, let's sit together!" Mukuro, go away. Just go back to hell or something.<br>"No." I said and walked away, sitting on the farthest corner. The baseball freak was sitting beside me, the dynamite guy next to him, unfortunately, Mukuro was in front of me, with the pineapple woman beside him, and the boxer next to her. The annoying teenage cow was next to the boxer, leaving only two seats for that herbivore and his wife.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention" It was the baby. "Thank you for coming to my useless student's wedding. It is a pleasure to see so many powerful Mafioso in here." A pause " Well then, let's welcome dame-Tsuna and his wife, Carolyn"

Loud applauses were heard, the loudest coming from the herbivore's right hand man. Meanwhile, I just sat here and gazed at the opening door.

There, Tsunayoshi entered, looking so composed and mature in his wedding tux. With him was Carolyn, smiling and waving to the guests. And there was me, trying not to throw my plate at her. But then, why waste a plate on her when you can just throw it at that illusionist hoping he'll lose a few brain cells and eventually forget how to speak?

"Thank you everyone for attending" Carolyn greeted and took her seat next to Tsunayoshi. "And thank you for attending, Tsuna's guardians."

Everyone smiled back at Carolyn and Tsunayoshi. I kept my poker face. Tsunayoshi glanced at me and smiled. I resisted that annoying urge to smile back. No. He should know how unhappy I am about this.

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><p>Fast forward the reception, it was decent. The food was of course, wonderful. Everything was wonderful. This is Vongola. Everything HAS to be wonderful in an event like this.<p>

In a normal wedding, only the maid of honor and the best man will make their speech. This isn't a normal wedding so EVERY SINGLE GUARDIAN has to make a speech. Thank whatever gods there is that I'm the last one to speak. Honestly, I did not prepare anything.

The right hand man of the herbivore was the first. Of course, he talked about how wonderful Tsunayoshi is and how Carolyn must be a perfect wife or else he'll blow her up. Honestly, he should learn not to blow everything up. The swordsman was less demanding, talking about Tsunayoshi's positive attitude and how lucky Carolyn is. Oh she is damn lucky that I had not yet bitten her to death. Anyway, I do not like fighting girls when they had not done anything THAT serious to me. Well yes, this is serious but… that baby tutor talked to me yesterday about behaving myself. He promised a fight. How can I refuse? The boxer was STILL trying to convince Tsunayoshi to convert to boxing and the baby cow was talking about grape candies and how much of a big brother Tsunayoshi is to him. Both of the pineapples gave their speech at the same time. But it was mostly Mukuro who was talking… about possessing Tsunayoshi. Can I strangle him? Throw the plate? At least let me throw a spoon or a fork? But that baby was giving me that warning look so I just sighed and stood up for my turn.

Silence fell when I stood up and curious eyes stared at me. Excuse me; it's rude to stare.

"First of all, I do not enjoy being here and I do not like speaking in front of all you herbivores. Well, let's just get this over with. Honestly, I do not like Carolyn. Wait, I stand corrected. I hate her. I despise her, loath her, and I want her to just disappear and die." I glanced at Carolyn and Tsunayoshi. Horrified looks; check.  
>"But I have no choice but to just let her be. No matter how she acts, perfectly or not, I would still not consider her a worthy wife for Tsunayoshi. Why? Simply because Tsunayoshi is mine. MINE. She can try all she wants to be perfect but in my eyes, she is the lowest herbivore of all." Silence. I sighed and continued "Tsunayoshi is a useless brat. He doesn't know how to take care of himself. He whines and complains too much. He's annoying and tend to ramble on and on. He's practically an idiot. He can't decide for himself. He always need someone to be there for him. He shows to much compassion. He cries too much. He's too kind. He always needs someone to protect him, to comfort him, and to help him." Silence. I stole a glance at Tsunayoshi. He's on the verge of crying. I paused and continued yet again "And that is what I like about him. I do not want him to change into someone who's confident, or independent or anything but what I described him, because that wouldn't be the Tsunayoshi I know. That would be someone else, a stranger that I never met. I want my Tsunayoshi to be a careless, useless idiot because that's just the way he should be. He's perfect just the way he is." A pause. Another look at Tsunayoshi. He's smiling now and mouthing the words "thank you". I can't resist anymore so I just smiled back. Not that big of a smile. But he knows. "Good luck Tsunayoshi, and try not to give your… wife…" I said the word "wife" with pure, utter disgust. "… problems such as those you gave me" I went back to my seat, sat down, and didn't bother to look back at the herbivore. I could have said more, but some words are best left unspoken.<p>

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><p>"Kufufufu~ What a touching speech. You still DO care for Tsunayoshi." Mukuro smiled and leaned forward, observing me with those mismatched eyes. I can't take it anymore. I grabbed my plate, and threw it, dish and all, at his annoying face. I stood up and stormed out. But before I left, I gave Tsunayoshi a small, reassuring smile, telling him it's not his fault I'm leaving. Gosh, what's with me and smiling nowadays?<p>

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><p>'Thank you, Hibari-san" The herbivore came and looked for me, even if I made it clear that he should not follow me.<br>"Hm."  
>"That made me really happy, seeing you here and all. " He sat next to me in one of the chairs scattered around outside the grand ballroom where the reception is.<br>"It's good to be happy."  
>"But you aren't happy. And I think it's my fault." He said softly and bowed his head sadly.<br>"I'm not. And yes, it is your fault." No need to lie about it. " But I can live with it. "  
>"I'm sorry. But I can still see you right? I mean, Carolyn and I will go back to London to visit her hometown but when I come back, I'll still see you, right? Right?" He said excitedly and started grinning goofily.<br>"We'll see, now go back to your reception before the baby drags you back." I said and ruffled his fluffy mass of brown hair.  
>He yelped at the thought of the baby and jumped from his seat. "Thank you again!" He smiled and went back but then stopped. "Umm… Hibari-san, just so you know…I still love you." He blushed and ran away, too embarrassed to look back or to wait for my answer.<br>Well, then, I still love you too, my dear herbivore.

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><p>That was the last time I saw and talked to him in three years. He did go to London and operated Vongola from there. Carolyn insisted that he stay longer because she enjoys staying in her hometown with her new husband. Of course he complied and it still irritates me but I have already accepted it. I went back to Japan, to Namimori, for official duties. I don't know when I will see him again. But to let you know, I'm not running away anymore. I am not making excuses or distractions. It's time to face the reality that I need to accept…<p>

…The fact that not all things work out even if you want it to.

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><p><strong>END<strong>

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><p>...well that was horrible.<br>What kind of trash have I written? :|

Sooo.. how was it ? Was it good, nice, okay, horrible, trash, so bad that it needs to melt in acid? Well, I hope you guys liked it.

Do leave me some reviews on your opinion. You can point out mistakes, plot holes and I'll do my best to fix it.  
>Just don't spam or troll or whatever. It'll make me mad. And I hate being mad. :((<p>

And I'll apologize in advance if it was bad or if I made lots of mistakes. I'm really sorry. I finished this late at night, so my brain wasn't working that well. And like I said before, this is just my writing style. It isn't rushed or whatever. Its just really how I write.

AND I'M REALLY SORRY THAT ITS ALL SAD AND ALL. I REALLY DID TRY MAKING A HAPPY ENDING BUT I'M JUST NOT THAT TYPE OF WRITER. I HONESTLY WANTED IT TO BE HAPPY AND ALL BUT I JUST CAN'T :((((((

Oh, I wrote this while listening to Akiakane's cover of Rolling Girl, Lost Story, Bye Bye Sayonara, Ura-Omote Lovers, Meltdown and Love is War, Yamai and Gero's version of Just Be Friends, Yoppei's cover of Meltdown (lol), Gumi and Miku's Matryoshka, Gumi's Mozaik Role, Panda Hero and Coward Montblanc, Soraru's version of Aimai Elegy and Marionette, and Valshe's version of Luka Luka Night Fever and Symmetrical Target.  
>I suggest you guys listen to those listed above. ^^<p>

Okay... sorry for getting side-tracked...Well, that's all I need to say.

Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed :)


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